Hiltmon

On walkabout in life and technology

If the NBC Olympics Team Did the NFL

The current NBC Olympics coverage is the absolute worst thing to ever happen to TV, sports and the Olympics. Talk about #NBCFail, here’s it is in context if the NBC Olympics team were responsible for NFL broadcasts:

  • You would only see games played by one chosen team
  • Only people with cable subscriptions could watch the chosen game of the week
  • Only people with cable subscriptions could watch the selected game on the internet
  • Only people with cable subscriptions could read about the game in the newspaper
  • NBC will ensure other broadcasters do show any clips of any games on their channels or on the internet at any time
  • Expats outside the USA will be unable to watch any NFL, ever
  • They would only show the plays by this chosen team where they score points, to protect the audience from watching the boring bits of the game (like the actual game itself)
  • One exception to the scoring play rule: if another team does something completely stupid or embarrassing, they’ll show that too, but only a short clip, and repeat it many times
  • The one game shown would be tape delayed until Thursday night to prepare the audience for the upcoming weekend’s games (which they cannot watch)
  • While the other team has offense, or the chosen team is not scoring, they will show hours of sad, sobby backstories about chosen team’s players tough upbringings
  • They would never show any injuries to protect the feelings of the audience
  • They would never show any umpire decisions to protect the feelings of the audience
  • They would never show any cheerleaders to protect the feelings of the audience
  • They would never show any team changeovers to protect the feelings of the audience
  • When people complain on twitter, they will “embrace the feedback”, and ignore it (oh wait, this is the third olympics I’ve seen and they’re still ignoring the complaints)
  • They will interrupt the stream of advertising only for a few moments every hour to show the scoring play, backstory or softball interview with an old player from the chosen team
  • The commentators will, of course, have never watched an NFL game before, being chosen for the whiteness of their teeth or largeness of their, er, eyes.
  • If the chosen team loses, they will, instead, replay an ancient game when the chosen team won
  • NBC will claim a ratings win for NFL (because it’s the only way to even get a glimpse of a game, and the competition shows low rating reruns at the same time)
  • NBC News will, of course, announce all game results on the day of the game, thereby spoiling the actual Thursday night prime time show

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